She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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