I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
