Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
