We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
