Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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