I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
