All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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