Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
