420 ftw
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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