I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
