the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
