I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
