i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
