Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
