My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize