cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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