Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
