WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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