an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
