Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
