so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
