now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
