Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
