absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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