i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
