I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
