I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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