I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
