No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone says I win the strip club
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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