Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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