I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
