shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
