clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We're too hungover to prance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
