And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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