Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
