so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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