dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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