I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
