Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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