guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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