Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
