my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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