Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
