FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
