At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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