I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize