it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
