yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
