I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
