Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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