Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
