i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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