I got chris browned last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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