I can tuck mytits in my pants
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
