Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
