i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
