Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
