My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
