your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize