He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
