Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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