3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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