Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
