sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
