I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
