Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
