so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
