its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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